5 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Healthcare Surrogate

Picture this: a parent is rushed to the hospital on a Tuesday night. She can’t communicate. Decisions need to be made — quickly, and by someone with legal authority to make them.

The adult son named as her healthcare surrogate a decade ago now lives across the country, has his own health issues, and realizes he’s never had a real conversation with his mother about what she’d actually want.

This happens more often than most families realize. Choosing a healthcare surrogate is usually treated as a box to check rather than a decision that deserves real thought. In Florida, a Healthcare Surrogate is the person legally authorized to make medical decisions on your behalf if you can’t make them yourself. It’s distinct from a Power of Attorney (financial decisions) and a Living Will (your documented wishes in writing). Getting the right person in that role takes more than just trust.

Here are five questions worth asking — whether you’re choosing for the first time or revisiting a decision made years ago.

1. Can they handle pressure in a crisis?

Medical emergencies are chaotic. Decisions get made with incomplete information, under time pressure, while the people around them are frightened. The person wonderful at family gatherings may not be the person who can hold firm in a hospital consultation room at midnight. Think about temperament, not just relationship.

2. Do they understand your specific wishes?

“They know what I’d want” is not the same as having had the conversation. What does quality of life mean to you? What interventions would you or wouldn’t you want under specific circumstances? How do you feel about aggressive treatment versus comfort care? A surrogate who understands your values in detail is far more effective than one who simply loves you.

A Living Will documents your wishes in writing. A Healthcare Surrogate carries them out. Both matter — and they work best together.

3. Can they advocate against medical authority when needed?

Doctors and hospital staff have their own protocols. A good surrogate needs to be willing — and legally empowered — to speak on your behalf even when it means pushing back. Some people have the confidence for this. Others, despite caring deeply, may default to whatever the medical team suggests rather than advocate for what you’ve asked.

4. Are they actually available?

Physical presence still matters in medical settings. Consider not just where your surrogate lives, but what their life realistically looks like — their schedule, their health, their family responsibilities. And always designate a backup in case your first choice is unavailable when it counts.

5. Have you talked to them recently?

Many people named a surrogate years ago and never revisited it. Relationships shift. People move. Wishes evolve. This isn’t a one-time conversation, it should happen after any significant life change, and every few years regardless.

When did you last talk to your surrogate about what you’d actually want? If you can’t remember, it’s time.

What Happens If You Don’t Designate One in Florida?

Florida law has a statutory priority list for who makes medical decisions when no surrogate has been designated — it moves through spouses, adult children, and other relatives in order. It may not reflect your wishes. When family members disagree, things can escalate quickly. In some cases a court-appointed guardian steps in — a costly, time-consuming process that a single document could have prevented.

Updating Is Easier Than You Think

If this post has you thinking your designation is overdue for a review, the process is straightforward. It’s a conversation with an elder law attorney and the right documents executed under Florida law, and it can be combined with a broader estate plan review so everything is current and consistent at once.

The right surrogate, properly designated, with a clear understanding of your wishes, is one of the best things you can do for your family. Our Lakeland team can help you get there.

Schedule a consultation with the Elder Law Firm of Clements & Wallace, P.L. today.